Act 2, Scene IV

Scene: Another part of the Forest.

Enter HUMPHREY and LUCE.

Humphrey.
Good Mistress Luce, however I in fault am
For your lame horse, you're welcome unto Waltham;
But which way now to go, or what to say,
I know not truly, till it be broad day.
Luce.    
Oh, fear not, Master Humphrey; I am guide
For this place good enough.
Humphrey.
Then up and ride;
Or, if it please you, walk, for your repose,
Or sit, or, if you will, go pluck a rose;
Either of which shall be indifferent
To your good friend and Humphrey, whose consent
Is so entangled ever to your will,
As the poor harmless horse is to the mill.
Luce.    
Faith, an you say the word, we'll e'en sit down,
And take a nap.
Humphrey.
'Tis better in the town,
Where we may nap together; for, believe me,
To sleep without a snatch would mickle grieve me.
Luce.    
You're merry, Master Humphrey.
Humphrey.
So I am,
And have been ever merry from my dam.
Luce.    
Your nurse had the less labour.
Humphrey.
Faith, it may be,
Unless it were by chance I did beray me.

Enter JASPER.

Jasper.
Luce! dear friend Luce!
Luce.    
Here, Jasper.
Jasper.
You are mine.
Humphrey.
If it be so, my friend, you use me fine:
What do you think I am?
Jasper.
An arrant noddy.
Humphrey.
A word of obloquy! Now, by God's body,
I'll tell thy master; for I know thee well.
Jasper.
Nay, an you be so forward for to tell,
Take that, and that; and tell him, sir, I gave it:
And say, I paid you well.
[Beats him.
Humphrey.
Oh, sir, I have it,
And do confess the payment! Pray, be quiet.
Jasper.
Go, get you to your night-cap and the diet,
To cure your beaten bones.
Luce.    
Alas, poor Humphrey;
Get thee some wholesome broth, with sage and comfrey;
A little oil of roses and a feather
To 'noint thy back withal.
Humphrey.
When I came hither,
Would I had gone to Paris with John Dory!
Luce.    
Farewell, my pretty nump; I am very sorry I cannot bear thee company.
Humphrey.
Farewell:
The devil's dam was ne'er so banged in hell.
[Exeunt Luce and Jasper.
[Wife.    
This young Jasper will prove me another thing, o' my conscience, an he may be suffered. George, dost not see, George, how 'a swaggers, and flies at the very heads o' folks, as lie were a dragon? Well, if I do not do his lesson for wronging the poor gentleman, I am no true woman. His friends that brought him up might have been better occupied, i-wis, than have taught him these fegaries: he's e'en in the high way to the gallows, God bless him!
Citizen.
You're too bitter, cony; the young man may do well enough for all this.
Wife.    
Come hither, Master Humphrey; has he hurt you? now, beshrew his fingers for't! Here, sweetheart, here's some green ginger for thee. Now, beshrew my heart, but 'a has peppernel in's head, as big as a pullet's egg! Alas, sweet lamb, how thy temples beat! Take the peace on him, sweetheart, take the peace on him.
Citizen.
No, no; you talk like a foolish woman: I'll ha' Ralph fight with him, and swinge him up well-favouredly.—Sirrah boy, come hither. [Enter Boy.] Let Ralph come in and fight with Jasper.
Wife.    
Ay, and beat him well; he's an unhappy boy.
Boy.      
Sir, you must pardon; the plot of our play lies contrary; and 'twill hazard the spoiling of our play.
Citizen.
Plot me no plots! I'll ha' Ralph come out; I'll make your house too hot for you else.
Boy.      
Why, Sir, he shall; but if any thing fall out of order, the gentlemen must pardon us.
Citizen.
Go your ways, goodman boy! [Exit Boy.] I'll hold him a penny, he shall have his bellyful of fighting now. Ho, here comes Ralph! no more!]