Act 1, Scene III

Scene: A Room in the Palace.

Enter NEANTHES, SOSICLES, and ERATON, severally.

Neanthes.
You are met unto my wishes; if you ever
Desired true mirth so far as to adventure
To die with the extremity of laughter,
I come before the object that will do it;
Or let me live your fool.
Sosicles.
Who is't, Neanthes?
Neanthes.
Lamprias, the usurer's son.
Eraton.
Lamprias? the youth
Of six and fifty?
Sosicles.
That was sent to travel
By rich Beliza, till he came to age
And was fit for a wife?
Neanthes.
The very same.
This gallant, with his guardian and his tutor,
(And, of the three, who is most fool I know not)
Are newly come to Corinth: I'll not stale them
By giving up their characters, but leave you
To make your own discoveries. Here they are, sir.

Enter ONOS, UNCLE, and Tutor.

Tutor.  
That leg a little higher; very well.
Now put your face into the traveller's posture;
Exceeding good.
Uncle.
Do you mark how they admire him?
Tutor.  
They will be all my scholars, when they know
And understand him truly.
Eraton.
Phoebus guard me
From this new Python!
Sosicles.
How they have trimm'd him up
Like an old reveller!
Neanthes.
Curl'd him and perfumed him;
But that was done with judgment, for he looks
Like one that purged perpetually. Trust me,
That witch's face of his is vainted too,
And every ditch upon it buries more
Than would set off ten bawds and all their tenants!
Sosicles.
See how it moves towards us.
Neanthes.
There's a salutation!——
'Troth, gentlemen, you have bestow'd much travel
In training up your pupil.
Tutor.  
Sir, great buildings
Require great labours; which yet we repent not,
Since for the country's good we have brought home
An absolute man.
Uncle.
As any of his years,
Corinth can shew you.
Eraton.
He's exceeding meagre.
Tutor.  
His contemplation——
Uncle.
Besides, 'tis fit
Learners should be kept hungry.
Neanthes.
You all contemplate:
For three such wretched pictures of lean famine
I never saw together.
Uncle.
We have fat minds, sir,
And traveled to save charges. Do you think
'Twas fit a young and hopeful gentleman
Should be brought up a glutton? He's my ward;
Nor was there ever, where I bore the bag,
Any superfluous waste.
Eraton.
Pray you, can it speak?
Tutor.  
He knows all languages, but will use none;
They are all too 'big for his mouth, or else too little
To express his great conceits. And yet of late,
With some impulsion, he hath set down
In a strange method, by the way of question,
And briefly too, all business whatsoever,
That may concern a gentleman.
Neanthes.
Good Sir, let's hear him.
Tutor.  
Come on, Sir.
Neanthes.
They have taught him, like an ape,
To do his tricks by signs. Now he begins.
Onos.    
When shall we be drunk together?
Tutor.  
That's the first.
Onos.    
Where shall we whore to-night?
Uncle.
That ever follows.
Eraton.
Odds me, he now looks angry.
Onos.    
Shall we quarrel?
Neanthes.
With me at no hand, Sir.
Onos.    
Then let's protest.
Eraton.
is this all?
Tutor.  
These are, Sir, the four new virtues
That are in fashion; many a mile we measured
Before we could arrive unto this knowledge.
Neanthes.
You might have spared that labour, for at home here
There's little else in practice.—Ha! the queen?
Good friends, for half an hour remove your motion;
To-morrow willingly, when we have more leisure,
We'll look on him again.
Onos.    
Did I not rarely?
Uncle.
Excellent well.
Tutor.  
He shall have six plumbs for it.
[Exeunt ONOS, UNCLE, and Tutor.

Enter AGENOR, LEONIDAS, THEANOR, QUEEN, MERIONE, BELIZA, EUPHANES, CRATES, Ladies and Attendants with lights.

Queen.
How much my court is honour'd, princely brother,
In your vouchsafing it your long'd-for presence,
Were tedious to repeat, since 'tis already
(And heartily) acknowledged. May the gods,
That look into kings' actions, smile upon
The league we have concluded; and their justice
Find me out to revenge it, if I break
One article!
Agenor.
Great miracle of queens
How happy I esteem myself, in being
Thought worthy to be number'd in the rank
Of your confederates, my love and best service
Shall teach the world hereafter; but this gift
With which you have confirm'd it, is so far
Beyond my hopes and means e'er to return,
That of necessity I must die obliged
To your unanswered bounty.
Theanor.
The sweet lady,
In blushes gives your highness thanks.
Queen.
Believe it,
On the queen's word, she is a worthy one;
And I am so acquainted with her goodness,
That but for this peace that hath changed my purpose,
And to her more advancement, I should gladly
Have call'd her daughter.
Theanor.
Though I am deprived of
A blessing, 'tis not in the fates to equal,
To shew myself a subject as a son,
Here I give up my claim, and willingly
With mine own hand deliver you what once
I loved above myself; and from this hour,
(For my affection yields now to my duty)
Vow never to solicit her.
Crates.
'Tis well cover'd.—
[Aside.
Neanthes, and the rest!
[Exeunt CRATES, NEANTHES, SOSICLES, ERATON.
Queen.
Nay, for this night
You must (for 'tis our country fashion, sir)
Leave her to her devotions; in the morning
We'll bring you to the temple.
Leonidas.
How in this
Your highness bonours me!
Merione.
Sweet rest to all!
Agenor.
This kiss, and I obey you.
Beliza.
Please it your highness,
This is the gentleman
Queen.
You are welcome home, Sir.—
Now, as I live, one of a promising presence.—
I have heard of you before, and you shall find
I'll know you better; find out something that
May do you good, and rest assured to have it.
Were you at Sparta lately?
Euphanes.
Three days since,
Madam, I came from thence.
Queen.
'Tis very late.
Good night, my lord!—Do you, sir, follow me;
I must talk further with you.
Agenor.
All rest with you!
[Exeunt.