Act 2, Scene II

Scene: The Tent of Junius.

Enter JUNIUS, PETILLIUS, and a Herald.

Petillius.
Let him go on. Stay; now he talks.
Junius.
Why,
Why should I love mine enemy? what is beauty?
Of what strange violence, that, like the plague,
It works upon our spirits? Blind they feign him;
I am sure, I find it so——
Petillius.
A dog shall lead you.
Junius.
His fond affections blinder——
Petillius.
Hold you there still!
Junius.
It takes away my sleep——
Petillius.
Alas, poor chicken!
Junius.
My company, content, almost my fashion——
Petillius.
Yes, and your weight too, if you follow it.
Junius.
'Tis sure the plague, for no man dare come near me
Without an antidote; 'tis far worse, hell.
Petillius.
Thou art damn'd without redemption then.
Junius.
The way to't
Strew'd with fair western smiles, and April blushes,
Led by the brightest constellations; eyes,
And sweet proportions, envying Heaven; but from thence
No way to guide, no path, no wisdom brings us.
Petillius.
Yes, a smart water, Junius.
Junius.
Do I fool?
Know all this, and fool still? Do I know further,
That when we have enjoy'd our ends we lose 'em,
And all our appetites are but as dreams
We laugh at in our ages?—
Petillius.
Sweet philosopher!
Junius.
Do I know on still, and yet know nothing? Mercy, gods!
Why am I thus ridiculous?
Petillius.
Motley on thee,
Thou art an arrant ass.
Junius.
Can red and white,
An eye, a nose, a cheek——
Petillius.
But one cheek, Junius?
An half-faced mistress?
Junius.
With a little trim,
That wanton fools call fashion, thus abuse me?
Take me beyond my reason? Why should not I
Dote on my horse well trapt, my sword well hatch'd?
They are as handsome things, to me more useful,
And possible to rule too. Did I but love,
Yet 'twere excusable, my youth would bear it:
But to love there, and that no time can give me,
Mine honour dare not ask (she has been ravish'd),
My nature must not know (she hates our nation),
Thus to dispose my spirit!
Petillius.
Stay a little; he will declaim again.
Junius.
I will not love! I am a man, have reason,
And I will use it; I'll no more tormenting,
Nor whining for a wench; there are a thousand——
Petillius.
Hold thee there, boy!
Junius.
A thousand will entreat me.
Petillius.
Ten thousand, Junius.
Junius.
I am young and lusty,
And to my fashion valiant; can please nightly.
Petillius.
I'll swear thy back's probatum, for I have known thee
Leap at sixteen like a strong stallion.
Junius.
I will be man again.
Petillius.
Now mark the working!
The devil and the spirit tug for't: Twenty pound
Upon the devil's head!
Junius.
I must be wretched!
Petillius.
I knew I had won.
Junius.
Nor have I so much power
To shun my fortune.
Petillius.
I will hunt thy fortune
With all the shapes imagination breeds,
But I will fright thy devil. Stay, he sings now.
[Song by Junius, and Petillius after him in mockage.
Junius.
Must I be thus abused?
Petillius.
Yes, marry must you.
Let's follow him close: Oh, there he is; now read it.
Herald.
[Reads.] It is the general's command, that all sick persons, old and unable, retire within the trenches; he that fears, has liberty to leave the field: Fools, boys, and cowards, must not come near the regiments, for fear of their infections, especially those cowards they call lovers.
Junius.
Ha?
Petillius.
Read on.
Herald.
[Reads.] If any common soldier love an enemy, he's whipp'd and made a slave: If any captain, cast, with loss of honours, flung out o' th' army, and made unable ever after to bear the name of a soldier.
Junius.
The pox consume ye all, rogues!
[Exit.
Petillius.
Let this work;
He has something now to chew upon. He's gone;
Come, shake no more.
Herald.
Well, sir, you may command me,
But not to do the like again for Europe;
I would have given my life for a bent two-pence,
If I e'er read to lovers whilst I live again,
Or come within their confines——
Petillius.
There's your payment,
And keep this private.
Herald.
I am school'd for talking.
[Exit.

Enter DEMETRIUS.

Petillius.
Now now, Demetrius? are we drawn?
Demetrius.
'Tis doing:
Your company stands fair. But pray you, where's Junius.?
Half his command are wanting, with some forty
That Decius leads.
Petillius.
Hunting for victuals.
Upon my life, free-booting rogues! their stomachs
Are like a widow's lust, ne'er satisfied.
Demetrius.
I wonder how they dare stir, knowing the enemy
Master of all the country.
Petillius.
Resolute hungers
Know neither fears nor faiths; they tread on ladders,
Ropes, gallows, and overdo all dangers.
Demetrius.
They may be hang'd though.
Petillius.
There's their joyful supper;
And no doubt they are at it.
Demetrius.
But, for Heaven's sake,
How does young Junius?
Petillius.
Drawing on, poor gentleman.
Demetrius.
What, to his end?
Petillius.
To the end of all flesh, woman.
Demetrius.
This love has made him a stout soldier.
Petillius.
Oh, a great one,
Fit to command young goslings. But what news?
Demetrius.
I think the messenger's come back from Penius
By this time; let's go know.
Petillius.
What will you say now
If he deny to come, and take exceptions
At some half syllable, or sound deliver'd
With an ill accent, or some style left out?
Demetrius.
I cannot think he dare.
Petillius.
He dare speak treason,
Dare say what no man dares believe, dares do——
But that's all one; I'll lay you my black armour
To twenty crowns, he comes not.
Demetrius.
Done.
Petillius.
You'll pay?
Demetrius.
I will.
Petillius.
Then keep thine old use, Penius!
Be stubborn and vain-glorious, and I thank thee.
Come, let's go pray for six hours; most of us
I fear will trouble Heaven no more: Two good blows
Struck home at two commanders of the Britons.,
And my part's done.
Demetrius.
I do not think of dying.
Petillius.
'Tis possible we may live; but, Demetrius,
With what strange legs, and arms, and eyes, and noses,
Let carpenters and coppersmiths consider.
If I can keep my heart whole, and my windpipe,
That I may drink yet like a soldier——
Demetrius.
Come, let's have better thoughts; mine's on your armour.
Petillius.
Mine's in your purse, sir; let's go try the wager!
[Exeunt.